Chris Berman Cheat Sheet

Everyone in the baseball media outside of Jon Miller, Dave Flemming and Kuip have been butchering the youngster Eugenio Velez's name. We're only singling out Boomer because he should know it as a noted Giants fan. Give this sheet a once-over and adjust your deux-deux-deux dosage accordingly Berman.

So yeah, it's A-U-hen-neo Vell-ez. Not U-Jeanio Vel-EZZ.

Punished for their gluttony, languid for '08

Wow, is this the special sector of Dante's inferno that we've descended upon? Taking a no-hitter and five-run lead into the seventh inning and then losing 8-7 in 10? I think I'd rather be fully enveloped in demon dung and losing by five runs every outing.

Tyler Walker, who had been pitching great this year, fed two long balls in three hitters to Duncan and Ankiel in the eighth.

No problem though, you'd think, 5-5 headed to the ninth. We can regroup here. And out from the bullpen trots Hennessey, who must have absorbed some Van Landingham DNA at some point during the offseason because he was terrible again, allowing two runs and recording just one out.

The G-men did show some resiliency in the bottom of the ninth, thanks to a clutch double from Freddy Lewis. But it just wasn't to be, as the Cards effortlessly tacked on a run in the tenth to nail it down.

Moral Vs: Cain had a no-hitter through six, and hit a dong!; our closer came in for two perfect outs; and the debut of John Bowker. Our future corner outfielder went 2-for-3 with a three-run blast in the sixth that almost got to the cove. (And Bowker should be up for good now, as it looks like Roberts will be missing three months.)

Today Linceceum against Joel Pineiro. It'll be tough to find a more favorable matchup all season.

Box Score

Somebody Get This Guy A Popular Mexican Beer

For a player who had one home run in his first 25 games as a pro, three bombs and a triple is a pretty nice day.

Augusta Green Jackets (A) left-fielder Ramon Corona did just that Friday against Lexington, and we can only hope the man was bought a few tequila shots... or at the very least a case of his namesake.

And according to that article, Corona lives near A-Rod, and even took a few tips from him in the offseason.

Let's hope the young slugger doesn't end up wearing purple lipstick, or, you know, marrying a man.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Raj Davis, pictured, was one of the few Giants not to commit an error in last night's 8-2 debacle against the Cards at home.

Eight runs allowed, only two of them earned, thanks to some timely moonshine consumed by Durham, Castillo, and Lewis.

Zito pitched about as well as he can, allowing seven hits and one earned through six.

In a season where we need honey-lathered mitts and sniper-scope-modified arms just to win 70, a hat trick of errors in a game is equivalent to missing the cereal bowl with the milk jug... slipping on the puddle and puncturing your spleen.

Cain on the bump today, Lincecum tomorrow. Six runs the remaining two games could easily equate to a series win. Man, I wish the G-men were as easy to watch as CBS' peaceful Masters coverage.

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Hope Tracker: An Update on the Top 10 Prospects

1. Angel Villalona (3b, Augusta/A): [4-for-17 (.235) in 6 games; a double, 2 RBI, 3 runs; 5K/2BB]
Our prized 17-year old possession... 6'3-200lber was hitting wood-bat bombs at 13... slow and steady, let's aim for the 2011 opening day roster... and pray the teeny bopper doesn't end up like Britney. But boy is it nice to have a hitter in the #1 slot.

2. Tim Alderson (rhp, San Jose/A+): [1 start: 1-0, 0.00 ERA; 5 IP, 3 H, 1K/2BB]
6'6, great breaking ball, good fastball... he should fit nicely at the back of our rotation (and start working his way up) by 2010.

3. Madison Bumgarner (lhp, Augusta/A): [1 start: 0-1, 15.00 ERA; 3 IP, 7 H, 5 ER, 6K/0BB]
The little unit got roughed up a bit, but at least he was throwing strikes... and 18K/9 is a good pace.

4. Nate Schierholtz (of, Fresno/AAA): [.222 in 3 games; 2 2B, RBI]
Proved last year he can hit here and in bigs, he'll be up soon.

5. Henry Sosa (rhp): “The 22 year-old rightie has Pedro Liriano stuff, (2.44 era, 11 wins, 139 k's in 126 ip in A), and made the futures game in '07. He has the best fastball in the system and should be kept in the rotation.” -Baseball America
Juicy... aim for a 2009 trade, along with Alderson, for AJ Pierzynski.

6. Nick Noonan (2b/ss, Augusta/A): [.250 in 7 games; 4 runs, 2 RBI, 2B; 6K/0BB]
Had an impressive rookie season: hit .316 and was named to several all-star squads.

7. Eugenio Velez (2b/ss, SFG): [.250 in 9 games; 2 3B, 2B, 2 SB]
Handlin' the stick well... Josh Brolin-fleeing-from-pitbull-type speed.

8. Wendell Fairley (of, Salem-Keizer/A- we assume): hasn't played yet in '08... projected to be future center fielder.

9. John Bowker (of, SFG): [.174, RBI in 6 games; 8K/2BB]
Great '07 season in AA: .315/22/90 or so... struggled early in AAA in '08... let's hope that translates to MLB success with his early-season call up.

10. Emmanuel Burriss (ss, Fresno/AAA): [.267, 4 RBI, 3 R in 7 games; 2 SB, 2 BB/4 K]
Should be a terrific middle infield in a few years with Noonan/Burriss.

You And Me And Correia Makes Three, Tonight

Kevin Correia produced the third consecutive gem from the starting staff, going 7.2 innings, allowing just five hits while striking out four. Not surprisingly it equated to the third win in a row for the G-men, this time 5-1 over St. Louis at home, a feat that just a week ago figured to be as rare for the club as a hat trick in women's soccer. Or, for you lane lizards, perhaps a turkey bowled by Stephen Hawking.

It got a little dicey late, but the beach boy Sloop Johnd his way out of the Cards' ninth-inning rally, and save number two came to B.

The bad: Hennessey was back to his pre-Wednesday self, allowing three base runners and a run while only recording one out in the ninth.

The good: SF rallied for a season-high five runs on 10 hits, pearl necklacing their previous season-best. (And hey, Onion, buy another vowel for Danny O.)

Zito on the mound tonight against Lohse for the Cards. Our only chance would figure to be if Lohse pitches worse than he barters for contracts.

Box Score

Wisdom From A Bald, Rotund, Bespectacled Sensai

"The game is not scoreless: the score is zero-zero... and on to the ninth..."

Touche Jon Miller, douche touche.

Where is Instant O Mo? How about a little ninth inning magic tonight?

Let's get Sanchez a moral V for his six inning, three hit, 10 K effort, hmmmmm? We're now headed to the last of the ninth.

Instant O Mo': The Giants' Best Offense Since Sliced Bread

Try as the G-men might, they didn't quite have the strength to blow little Timmy's gem. Lincecum went six strong, allowing a run on seven hits with one walk and seven punchouts. Great to have him filthy without tearing gun show basepath tickets.

Even though the beach boy sent good vibrations to the Padre hitters' wood in the top of the ninth to blow the save, it wasn't too much for Instant O Mo' to overcome single handedly.

Most NL teams can figure out how to score a run with a speedy bugger like Velez on second base and nobody out. But nah, small ball is for suckers.

Molina sent his second rocket into orbit of the night in the bottom of the 11th, and that was that, win number two. Cake.

Other positive notes: Hennessey finally gettin' it done, tossing two scoreless for the win; Eugenio getting the pinch-hit and stealing the bag to set up a ***potential*** game winning score; our prized off-season acquisition nearly earning the yellow Mexican headwear.

Here's to Sanchez lasting at least five innings in the rubber match.

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The Japanese Seem to Struggle With Rubbers...

Reliever Keiichi Yabu missed at least Sunday's game after snapping himself between the eyes with a rubber hose. (That sounds eerily similar to Cartman's eyes-closed, milk-sucking-out-of-hose experiment.)

Also, from that same SF Chronicle report, Randy Winn is going to be missing some time after hitting himself in the ankle with a bat.

Nothing you can do but giggle softly at this point if you're a fan of the Gigantes. We can't even injure ourselves respectively.

Even Whelan Thinks This Is A Hard Rock Bottom

As if the start of the season couldn't get any worse for the Giants, it did Saturday. Sure, they showed a little resiliency in scoring four runs to make it a respectable one-run loss to the Brewers at Miller Park, but they also accomplished the unfathomable for a professional baseball team:

No runs scored against Eric Gagne. The guy who subscribes to the 'Kriss Kross' school of uniform application. The fat hab who slathers his cap in maple syrup before each outing. Chris Szabo's bastard step child.

Yep, that guy.

Oh well, maybe Zito can give us a quality start this afternoon to hang out hats on and lead us to ruin another home team broom brewhaha.

The Guillotine Descendeth Hard

A bases-loaded walk for our first run of the season is about right.

Raj Davis looking like a blind red-headed stepchild swinging at a pinata with a flyswatter in a pinch-hitting role is not very right.

The G-Men gagged a 2-0 lead in the 8th to drop their second straight game to the Dodgers, this by a final of 3-2. It was ultimtely decided in the bullpen, where the Dodgers one-upped the Giants in the ancient Japanese slinger category (oh, and Hennessey seemed to have himself confused with a high school coach throwing BP).

The positives? Cain pitched well. Rowand gunned Furcal at 2nd, and continues to stroke at the plate. And Little Lincy's on the hill tonight.

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