Like Flossing With Sandpaper

Welp, watching that opening day shutout to L.A. was the equivalent of experiencing 'Date Movie.' There were a few mildly amusing seconds, but you ended up watching it for about 30 minutes too long, and of course the end result was that it sucked. (Although the weather looked beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

How about our gritty center fielder missing two cutoffs in a four-inning span? That was fun. At least he swatted a couple singles.

Zito giving up 4 in 5? Actually, that's an improvement from his typical opening day start, in which his ERA is over 9.

Some other bright spots: Bullpen. Merkin was throwing cheese, Threets and the crusty sensai Yabu performed servicably. The big club wasn't too hot on the basepaths though (0-2 in steal attempts).

Going into this season I held an optimistic goal of winning 70. Let's go ahead and shoot for 65 boys.

Number One reason to feel nostalgic: Robb Nen's slider was about 10 miles an hour faster than our $126 million ace's four-seamer. Hot barbecue.

Cheers to Cain and Timmy comin' up soon at least.

Box Score

Charting the Kid, Sweating the Groin

Tiny Tim Lincecum started his first spring training game since injuring his groin earlier this month, and like all shots to the junk: there was bad news and good.

Lincy allowed 4 runs on 6 hits in 2 innings.

But he only surrendered one extra base hit (a double to some goof named Chase Headley), while striking out 4 batters in the stint.

We'll take these moral victories where we can get 'em, and once again toast to the health and prosperity of a 22-year old's inner thigh region.

Other Highlights: Dave Roberts went 2-for-4 with a dinger and a couple runs; Winn and Molina each poked a couple hits; Bocock started a 6-4-3.

Oh yeah, the Giants got lambasted by the Padres 11-5 and dropped to a cactus-worst 4-11 on the spring.

Box Score

Zito Craps Bed, Figuratively; Pants, Literally

Add another loss termite to the 9-figured man's wood.

Zito got roughed up for 5 hits and 5 earned in 3.2 innings, walking 4 and fanning 0, in the Giants cactus league contest today against Kansas City.

San Francisco committed 4 errors in a game that was over in the third inning but painstakingly continued, culminating in a 15-6 final, Royals.

Now, 4 errors in a spring training game normally wouldn't be a cause for concern but when it's our potential opening day starting shortstop (Bocock) flubbing half of them, it feels a little gooey.

The positives for today: Randy Winn laced a couple of doubles, Velez hit a triple, and some guy named Ponce de Justin Leone went 3-for-3 with a dinger.

With the loss the G-men drop to a spring training-worst 3-10. But maybe it'll get better tomorrow, when Matt Cain takes on Ben Sheets in Brewers camp. For now we can take solace in the fact that the reigning champs are almost as bad at 3-8.

Box Score

The Boys Are Back, Back on 2, and That's Where They're Gonna Stay!

With a TV ad campaign as fine as the above, the Giants went from 72 wins in '92 to 103 wins (and a reemjob) in '93.

We need to summon all jingle-meistros in the business. Anyone who can write a catchy product-hawking tune must come out of the woodwork and get to penning the '08 KTVU theme song. As history has shown, a toe-tapping, Little Richie 'hooooo'-inspiring jingle can increase a team's win total by greater than 30 games.

Hell, I'll settle for a 2Gether performance if we can get to 80 this season.

The Grass is Greener... On Fire

The thought of Brian Bocock, and his .220 San Jose average, starting as the Giants' shortstop on opening day is enough to make me want to scout Shady Acres retirement home for prospects (Actually Sabes already has a fleet of scouts employed in every major Bay Area Alzheimer center).

But maybe our GM has been on the right track all along with his geriatric-heavy approach to player personnel: load up on old-timers while the market value for them is low (always) and overpay them. Uhh...wait.

I'm guessing though that Sabes could get a pretty good ROI on a skeletor pinch hitter. And I mean, you'd have to figure the odds of the opposing pitcher nailing the bones in the batter's box are better than Bocock getting on base by wildly flailing at the cowhide.

Yep, this is where my mind is magneted at the moment. I shutter to think how it will degress once the game's that matter actually begin.